At McGill Law, we have your back from the beginning of your legal process to the end …  and beyond!  Many people feel lost, confused, and vulnerable about what lies ahead once their divorce is final. Consider some of the following tips to gain insight on life after your divorce:

First and foremost, if you don’t already have one, develop a mind and body exercise routine and stick to it!  Exercise reduces anxiety, depression, and stress. Elevating your heart rate will release hormones such as endorphins which bring relaxation to the body. There is a direct correlation between physical and mental health.  Combining physical and mental exercise is doubly beneficial. Try walking 20-30 minutes a day while listening to relaxing music or a meditation app or just enjoying the beauty of nature. If you can’t fit in the walk because of a busy workday, sit alone in your office and focus on deep breathing (inhale for 3 secs., hold for 2 secs., exhale for 4 secs) while fixating on a pleasant sound, taste, smell or visual. You will find your body will naturally calm itself and you will better be able to stay present and in the moment. Doing this will not only reduce your blood pressure and resting heart rate, but it will also enhance relaxation and overall well-being.

 Equally important is to recognize that you are not alone. You may be feeling isolated, lonely, or judged. Joining a support group where you can talk openly and honestly with others who are going through similar life changes can be immensely comforting. Not to mention that added benefit of gaining self-understanding and helping others. It is also oftentimes more affordable than investing in individual therapy sessions. If, however, you have the health insurance benefit of mental health counseling/therapy then by all means enlist the services of an individual therapist. Embrace therapy! A good therapist will not only help you work through “stuff” but will also help you develop the tools to deal with future “stuff.” Thus, its effects are long-lasting.

 Perhaps your stress and worries revolve around a sense of financial insecurity or uncertainty. To gain financial peace of mind post-divorce, follow these guidelines (if you haven’t already): a) open new individual bank accounts and close joint accounts b) change your beneficiaries so your ex doesn’t inherit your IRA or 401-k and update your estate plans… do you need a new power of attorney for healthcare and finances? c) take care of all insurance areas: auto, home, and umbrella. Maybe you have personal possessions/assets listed on your home-owners policy that cost you extra premiums when your ex was awarded these items? d) have a money/income safety net: do you have disability insurance coverage, for example? This will make you feel less vulnerable because you will get a monthly paycheck if you become injured or ill and cannot work. e) create a new financial plan for retirement – most of us don’t know what they should be saving for retirement. Now is the time to get these facts f) buy a home safe and get a new safe deposit box at the bank to protect your assets g) buy a shredder & delete computer information: a shredder will help you destroy old credit cards, for example and erase all information on a shared computer with an ex-spouse. h) If you aren’t covered under your ex’s health insurance, consider other options. For instance, you should look into the COBRA coverage that you may be eligible for up to 18-36 months. You may discover you are eligible for coverage through your own employer via the launching of a “special enrollment period” which divorces often qualify for. It can be mind blowing to think of all these safety measures at once. Just take it one day at a time and try to check one item off the list each day.

Finally, are you feeling lost on your career path? Or maybe you are considering an entirely new career? Career coaches can motivate you to get unstuck. They will hold you accountable and will provide genuine, unbiased feedback. He or she will help you grow personally and professionally by helping you set very specific goals and discern your value which is often forgotten after enduring an emotionally draining divorce. Perhaps it is simply building confidence or gaining tools to perform your very best in your upcoming job interview(s). Consider enlisting a career coach to help you best navigate this new path to success.

We know it can all be overwhelming. Maybe your very first step at this stage of your new life is to ask “what do I need right now?” not “what should I be doing?” or “what do my kids want? Or what does my family think I should do?” And then when you take care of yourself in the moment, sit down, relax by practicing your deep breathing and tackle one item on this list each day. And… if you still feel overwhelmed, call us. We are here for you!