We have all had enough of 2020 and we are banking on a brighter and more hopeful future. Some of us have even more reason than others. If you are recently separated or divorced or contemplating either from your partner, it’s a good idea to start preparing for the next stage of life. Here are some tips that might help ensure a smoother transition in the upcoming year. 

1. List your issues/concerns: Start by prioritizing your interests. Your finances might be of utmost concern and you might feel financially vulnerable. If so, maybe you want to schedule an appointment with your CPA or financial advisor right now for early in the new year. Perhaps, your children’s future is what keeps you awake at night. Be specific here – is it their mental well-being, their academic success, or the physical effects a divorce may have on them? Again, make some appointments with professionals who can provide peace of mind and guidance. Call teachers for check-ins, schedule a consultation with a child therapist or give your pediatrician a call to schedule the next wellness checks. You will feel better just putting pen to paper and making some appointments. 

2. Take care of yourself: I often times tell my clients, “be good to yourself.” Why? Because you deserve it. It’s that simple. If only it were that simple to actually do it! Our lives are busy and most days, there just isn’t enough time to get it all done. Maybe you need to restructure your day. Get up an hour earlier to get a workout in before you start your workday. The stress of a divorce can have many ill effects on your body. Now is the time to start counteracting that. Eat better – remember what we learned in elementary school; eat your fruits, vegetables, grains, and proteins. Start going to bed earlier and aim for 7 hours of sleep every night. It really does improve your concentration. Exercise, a well-balanced diet and a good night’s sleep will help you think clearer, make better decisions and avoid depression. 

3. Respect your coparent: Encourage a long-lasting, loving relationship between your children and co-parent. You can do this by simply refraining from disparaging, respecting the time your coparent spends with the children by not sabotaging schedules or filling a calendar during his/her parenting time, or disrupting his/her time with non-emergent phone calls. Never discuss adult issues like child support or property distribution in the presence of the children. Share happy stories about your coparent and if your children have positive events that occurred at your coparent’s home, welcome them to share the news with you. Celebrate that your children are happy at both homes because they will be strengthened by having multiple loving homes and relationships.

4. Don’t be afraid to ask for help: Now, more than ever, is the time to rely on family, friends and the many resources that are equipped to assist you. Know that it is okay to accept assistance from friends & family – they know you best and can help you transition through the many emotions you will experience during a separation or divorce. It hasn’t been easy in 2020, but there is hope on the horizon. Soon we can all start making plans with long lost family and friends. Reach out now, set a date and start socializing again. And don’t be afraid to make new friends by joining support groups. Also, there are many professionals trained to assist... it might make all the difference by simply making a phone call to a mental health professional for you and the children. You have absolutely nothing to lose and many find doing so is the beginning of a long-term, invaluable relationship. If you need suggestions for any referrals whatsoever, please call us. We work with only the best and will gladly set you on the right path!

5. Communicate, communicate, communicate: It really cannot be stressed enough! Your failure to communicate not only results in impasse with your partner which inevitably means no decisions are being made, but it also hurts those you care for the most, your children. Always put them first and if you are struggling with which choice to make, go with the one that is in their best interests. Listen to your co-parent’s opinion, respect it and know that it might have value. During your next conversation, test yourself to see if you really are present. Are you formulating your next thought or point to be made? If so, you aren’t hearing your partner and you are likely to have a breakdown. Keep the dispute between the two of you; never, never, never involve your children. It is an unfair burden to place on them and they will feel compelled to choose sides. When you drag your children into your problems, you set them up for failure and inevitably one or both of you will lose them in the long run. Ultimately, if you feel you are at an impasse, don’t make threats. Rather, give us a call … we are here to guide you through this tenuous process. 

The stress of uncertainty and transition into this new phase of your life can be overwhelming … especially during the holiday season. If you have any questions at all during this planning phase, don’t hesitate to call us. Your team at McGill Law will help set you and your family on a path to success in the new year!