As with every holiday or family occasion after divorce, it is important to not focus on how things were, but instead on how things are. Thanksgiving is typically a holiday that celebrates ‘togetherness’. It is very easy to feel ‘other’ instead of ‘together’ on holidays even while surrounded by family and friends following a divorce or life transition.
Here are some tips on Letting Go and Starting Over:
Acknowledgement
Acknowledge your feelings whether positive or negative and those of your children and family. It is ok to feel relieved, sad, satisfied, lonely, happy or resentful and all of the above; honor and make room for all. As for your children, things are going to be different and ‘two holidays’ with separate parents for the first time might not be ‘exciting’ for children, but instead overwhelming. Try not to frame your children’s emotions for them but instead be available and supportive to whatever feelings they may express. Extended relatives and friends on either side of the former relationship are often more supportive and understanding than you may imagine, be open and honest and let them take cues from you and your former partner regarding holidays and get-togethers. You divorced one, not all.
Traditions
Create new traditions with your loved ones, especially with your children. Recreating what WAS will never be successful, focus on what lS. Your life and holidays will be different now, it’s an inspiring reason to celebrate and get creative! Volunteer, host a dinner with friends, have a movie night in with your children, be flexible and generous with your holiday commitments. You don’t have to cook a multi- course meal (or clean up after one), be sensitive to your own needs and feelings.
Gratitude
Actively practice and identify that for which you are grateful. Find worth in your health, your job, your friends and family or whatever it is that brings you joy. The good in your life, no matter the negativity that you may perceive, outweighs the bad. Start a gratitude journal, say ‘Thank You’ to those that you are grateful for; including yourself.
Take Care of Yourself
Do your favorite things. Breathe. Meditate. Get in touch with your authentic self. Go to movies, rest, take long baths, read a book. Be kind to yourself. Make food that you desire and take time to spend with supportive friends and family. Seek professional help if you feel you need additional support.