Some family law myths are remarkably hard to kill. No matter how often they're debunked, they keep coming back, passed between friends, repeated online, and reinforced by television courtroom dramas.

Most people walk into a family law consultation already "knowing" a few things. Some of that knowledge is outdated, and some of it was never true anywhere.

Acting on a myth can cost you money, time with your children, or both. Here are ten myths we hear over and over, and what Nebraska law actually says.

Myth 1: "They cheated, so I should get more."

Nebraska is a no-fault divorce state. The court only needs to find that the marriage is irretrievably broken. Neither spouse has to prove adultery, cruelty, or anything else, and one spouse cannot prevent a divorce simply by refusing to agree.

Bad behavior generally does not earn the other spouse a bigger share of the property, either. The exception may be financial misconduct. If a spouse drained accounts or spent substantial marital funds on an affair or a gambling habit, that dissipation may be considered when the marital estate is divided.

Myth 2: "If we agree on everything, we can be divorced in a couple of weeks."

Agreement makes the process smoother and often less expensive, but it does not make it instant. Nebraska requires a 60-day waiting period after the other spouse is served or voluntarily appears before a divorce decree can be entered. Even when both spouses agree on everything, a judge cannot waive that requirement.

An uncontested divorce may be completed in a few months, depending on the circumstances and the court's schedule.

And agreement does not have to mean figuring everything out on your own. Mediation and Collaborative Divorce are options for couples who want to work toward a resolution outside of a contested courtroom process. Our firm offers both, along with traditional divorce representation, because not every family needs or wants the same approach.

Myth 3: "If I leave the house, I lose all my equity in it."

Moving out does not mean giving up your share of the house. A home acquired during the marriage is generally marital property, regardless of who is living in it. Its equity is considered along with the rest of the marital estate when property is divided. Whose name is on the deed is not necessarily the deciding factor, either.

That said, leaving is not a decision without consequences. Who stays in the home while the case is pending, who keeps paying the mortgage, and what parenting schedule the children settle into can all affect the case.

Talk to an attorney before you pack the car.

Myth 4: "I will get alimony." / "I will owe alimony."

Alimony is less predictable than most people expect. Unlike child support, there is no worksheet or formula in Nebraska that produces a number.

Courts consider factors such as the length of the marriage, each spouse's contributions, time spent out of the workforce raising children, earning capacity, and whether the person requesting support can work without interfering with the care of the children.

Alimony may help a spouse become financially independent, but its purpose is not simply to equalize two incomes or punish someone for the divorce. Whether support is appropriate, how much should be paid, and for how long depend on the circumstances.

But a judge does not necessarily have to make those decisions. Spouses can negotiate alimony as part of a divorce settlement, including through mediation or Collaborative Divorce, and reach an agreement tailored to their circumstances, subject to court approval.

Because so much depends on the individual circumstances, anyone who promises you a specific amount, whether you expect to receive it or pay it, is making a prediction, not a guarantee.

Myth 5: "Whoever files first has the advantage."

Filing first does not earn you a better outcome. Courts do not favor the spouse who initiated the case, and custody, property, support, and alimony are decided using the same legal standards regardless of who filed.

Filing first can have practical or strategic implications, including the timing of the case and requests for temporary orders. But it does not automatically put one spouse ahead.

If you are weighing whether to file, make that decision based on your circumstances and legal advice, not on the idea that going first wins anything.

Myth 6: "Moms always get custody." / "I stayed home while he worked, so I should get more parenting time."

This one has been outdated for decades. Nebraska law specifically prohibits courts from favoring a parent based on sex, and generally neither parent is presumed more fit than the other.

Judges consider the best interests of the child, including each parent's relationship with the child, the child's health and stability, and credible evidence of abuse or domestic violence.

A parent's history as the primary caregiver can be relevant, but it does not guarantee a particular custody arrangement. A father who has been actively parenting is entitled to the same consideration as a mother.

The question is not who deserves custody more because of their gender. It is what arrangement serves the child's best interests.

Myth 7: "Once my kid turns 12 (or 14, depending on who you ask), they get to choose."

There is no magic birthday in Nebraska.

A child's wishes are one factor courts may consider when the child is old enough to understand the situation and the preference is based on sound reasoning. Chronological age alone is not the test.

A thoughtful 11-year-old's preference may carry more weight than that of a 15-year-old who wants to live wherever there is no curfew. And even a well-reasoned preference does not decide the case by itself.

It is also worth saying plainly that putting a child in the position of choosing between parents is hard on that child. Attempts to coach or pressure a child can also undermine a parent's position.

Myth 8: "We have 50/50 custody, so nobody pays child support."

Equal parenting time does not automatically cancel out child support. And gender does not determine who pays it.

Income matters.

Nebraska uses an income-shares model, which considers both parents' incomes when calculating support. In qualifying joint physical custody arrangements, a separate worksheet accounts for parenting time and other applicable factors. If one parent earns substantially more than the other, child support may still be owed even when parenting time is equally divided.

Parents may also share responsibility for expenses such as clothing, extracurricular activities, and other costs, depending on the applicable guidelines and court orders.

Equal time does not necessarily mean equal financial circumstances.

Myth 9: "If they don't pay support, I don't have to let them see the kids."

Child support and parenting time are separate obligations. One is not a bargaining chip for the other.

A parent who withholds court-ordered parenting time because support is late may face enforcement proceedings, including contempt. A parent who stops paying support because visits are being denied is still responsible for the payments.

If the other parent is not following the order, the remedy is to seek appropriate legal enforcement, not to stop following it yourself.

Concerns about a child's immediate safety are a different matter and should be addressed promptly through appropriate legal channels.

Myth 10: "I signed the birth certificate, so I already have custody rights."

For unmarried parents, being listed on a birth certificate is not the same thing as having an enforceable custody and parenting time order.

A properly executed acknowledgment of paternity can legally establish paternity and give a father the right to seek custody and parenting time. What it does not do is automatically create a parenting schedule.

Without a court order, there may be no enforceable plan for where the child lives, who makes important decisions, or when each parent has parenting time. That uncertainty can become a serious problem when the parents disagree.

If you are an unmarried parent, establishing paternity and obtaining appropriate custody and parenting time orders can protect your rights and provide much-needed structure for your family.

The Bottom Line

Family law myths have a way of surviving long after the law has changed, and some were never true in the first place.

The problem isn't just believing something that turns out to be wrong. It's making decisions about your finances, your children, or your future based on information that doesn't apply to you.

And while a courtroom may be necessary in some cases, it isn't the only way to resolve a family law matter. Whether the right approach involves negotiation, mediation, Collaborative Divorce, or litigation, understanding your rights and options is where the process should begin.

Before you act on something you've heard from a friend, read online, or seen play out in someone else's divorce, find out what Nebraska law actually means for your situation.

A little preparation now can prevent a much bigger problem later.

Family Law Myths That Just Won't Die