The concept of nesting, also referred to as ‘bird nesting” has been around for years but has recently taken new interest by families in the current pandemic. Nesting is a concept to refer to a situation whereby the kids stay in the family home and the parents alternate staying at the family home with the children during their respective parenting times. Sometimes, the parents also share an apartment and the parent who is not at the family home with the children will stay at the shared apartment. Every family that undertakes a nesting arrangement is aiming to reduce conflict and provide their children with stability.
Nesting is usually a somewhat temporary arrangement. Sometimes temporary for a few years, other times just for a few months. If parents just need some physical space but aren’t ready to make decisions about whether to sell the family home or where they are each going to live next, nesting may offer the additional time that they need to make those decisions. It can also be a steppingstone to see if divorce is really what that they want without uprooting the children. Allowing the parties time to make these decisions and the ability to make these decisions together really helps everyone in the family.
Nesting is not a concept that will work for everyone but may be a great option for some. There are many considerations to weigh when determining if nesting is a good option for you.
Do you and your co-parent have a certain level of trust and respect for each other? Do you have good communication? Nesting requires good communication, trust and respect between the parents. If you both are committed to following established rules and agreements as same pertain to your nesting situation, this could be a wonderful option. However, if one parent has trouble adhering to guidelines and/or agreements, nesting is probably not going to work well.
Is it important to your children to stay in the family home? Most parents have the desire to maintain some normalcy and stability during and immediately after a divorce. Often, keeping the children in the family home is one way for parents to offer their children the desired stability.
Are there financial considerations that make each parent having his/her own home not a reality? If both parents would be unable to purchase their own home to allow enough room for the children, nesting may offer a great option.
Can you and your partner come to an agreement on how to divide the family home bills; how groceries for the family home will work; what is/is not acceptable for the shared space(s)? If you and your co-parent can work out the details of how this arrangement will be successful, it will go a long way to reducing any potential conflict in the future.
Bird Nest Parenting