Divorce is more than a legal event. It is something the body experiences.
In this guest contribution, Pamela Mueri, Certified Wellness Practitioner and Resilience & Regulation Coach, explores what happens internally during divorce and why so many mothers feel reactive, exhausted, or overwhelmed. Understanding the nervous system can create more steadiness for both parent and child.
What Your Body Is Telling You
As a mother navigating divorce, you may notice that your body feels different lately. You may wake up with a tight chest, shallow breath, heavy fatigue, or a constant sense of dread that sits in your stomach. You may feel mentally foggy, unable to focus, easily overwhelmed, or exhausted by even small decisions. Emotionally, you might feel fragile one minute and numb the next, snapping over small things or crying without knowing why.
These symptoms are not signs that you are weak or failing. They are signals from your nervous system that you have been carrying more than any one person is meant to hold alone. Your body is trying to protect you, to keep you alert in the face of loss, uncertainty, and change. What you are feeling is not too much. It is a normal response to a life disruption that has shaken the ground beneath you.
Why Divorce Feels So Physically Intense
Divorce changes a woman in ways no one prepares her for. It is not just the logistical weight of splitting a life, managing schedules, or figuring out finances. It is the emotional earthquake of trying to parent through heartbreak and uncertainty while your body no longer feels steady.
Many women find themselves asking why they are suddenly so reactive with their children, so overwhelmed, so quick to shut down or panic. They tell themselves they should be stronger. They feel guilty for not showing up as the mom they want to be.
What most mothers do not realize is that divorce activates survival patterns developed decades earlier. The part of the brain responsible for threat and safety becomes highly sensitive during trauma and stress. When your child cries or expresses big emotions, your body may interpret it as danger even when nothing is actually wrong.
Your reactions are not personal failures. They are physiological responses from a nervous system trying to protect you.
The Reactive Loop
This is why so many mothers experience the same frustrating cycle. A child melts down. The body tenses. The heart speeds up. The reaction comes before the rational brain can step in. Afterward comes shame, guilt, and promises to do better tomorrow.
The next day it happens again.
Many begin searching for new parenting strategies, believing that more structure or discipline will solve the problem. But no strategy works when the body is in survival mode.
Supporting Yourself So You Can Support Your Children
Parenting after divorce requires a different kind of support.
The first step is awareness. Awareness that your reactions are not evidence of inadequacy. Awareness that your body is carrying accumulated stress and grief. Awareness that feeling overwhelmed is a signal that your system needs safety, not shame.
The second step is learning how to calm the body before trying to change behavior. When your internal world feels steadier, your capacity to hold your child’s emotions expands. You respond instead of react. Children sense this shift. When a parent feels grounded, they feel safer.
The third step is compassion. Divorce is a loss, even when it is the right decision. Many mothers carry a quiet belief that they have failed their children by not keeping the family together. Healing begins when you stop punishing yourself and start tending to the parts of you that feel scared, lonely, or exhausted.
You Are Not Failing
If you are walking through divorce right now, you are not failing. Your reactivity makes sense. Your exhaustion makes sense. Your fear makes sense.
When you understand what your body is doing and how to restore internal safety, everything begins to change. Parenting feels softer. Your children feel your steadiness. Your home begins to heal.
If you feel disconnected from yourself or want to parent with more calm and confidence, you do not have to figure it out alone. This work can be learned and practiced with support.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do I feel more reactive during divorce?
Divorce activates the body’s stress response. When the nervous system is under prolonged strain, reactions can feel quicker and more intense, even in everyday parenting moments.
Is it normal to feel overwhelmed as a parent during divorce?
Yes. Divorce is both an emotional and physiological stressor. Feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or mentally foggy is often a sign that your body is working to process change and uncertainty.
Can stress affect how I respond to my children?
Stress can temporarily reduce access to rational thinking and increase emotional reactivity. When the body feels safer and more regulated, responses often become calmer and more intentional.
How can I begin calming my nervous system?
Small practices that increase safety in the body, such as slow breathing, grounding exercises, and supportive connection, can help restore steadiness over time.
When should I seek additional support?
If reactivity, anxiety, or exhaustion feel persistent or disruptive, working with a therapist, coach, or other qualified professional can provide tools and support during this period.
Need Legal Guidance from McGill Law?
If you are navigating legal decisions alongside the emotional weight of divorce, the attorneys at McGill Law, PC, LLO provide thoughtful, structured guidance in both Omaha and Lincoln.