October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. In our never-ending efforts to support all women, we have devoted this month’s newsletter to shedding light on domestic violence and providing some tools to assist those who find themselves in a domestic violence relationship.

Sometimes it’s difficult for people to realize that they are even in an abusive relationship. Often, the abuse isn’t physical, so it is challenging to recognize. An abused person’s partner often calls the abused person crazy or does other things to make them feel like all the problems are their own fault. Here are a few ways to know if you’re in an abusive relationship and need help. Of course, physical and sexual violence are always abuse and not ok under any circumstances.

Coercion or threats- Has your partner has ever threatened or actually physically hurt you, threatened suicide, threatened to report/embarrass/out you to an agency or others, or threatened to leave you in order to control your behavior?
Intimidation- Has your partner ever made you feel afraid or unsafe by their actions, gestures, or looks? Does your partner throw things, break things, damage your property, abuse your pets, or display weapons?
Emotional abuse- Does your partner put you down, make you feel bad about yourself, call you names, or make you think you are crazy? Does your partner frequently misinterpret or overreact to situations, play mind games, humiliate you or make you feel guilty or ashamed?
Isolation- Does your partner control what you do, who you see, what you read, where you go or who you talk to? Does your partner limit your activities outside of the home, monitor your behavior and communication or use jealousy to justify their actions?
Minimizing, denying, and blaming- Does your partner make light of the abuse, refuse to take your concerns seriously, deny that abuse has happened, and shift blame for the abuse to you?
Using children- Does your partner make you feel guilty about your children or use your children to rely messages? Does your partner use visitation to harass you or threaten to take your children away?
Using privilege- Does your partner treat you like a servant and act like the “head of the household”? Does your partner make all the big family decisions or use gender, race, class, or stereotypes against you?
Economic abuse- Does your partner prevent you from getting or keeping employment, makes you ask for money, give you a set allowance or refuse to let you know about or have free access to marital funds?