If you are going through a divorce, you might feel as if you are entangled in “the perfect storm.” There are so many stressful events all occurring at once: planning for two homes, parenting time schedules, asset and debt allocation, just to name a few. Can you ever “win” in this situation? Your team at McGill Law will help you and your family “win” your divorce by helping to navigate the chaos. Here are just a few helpful tips to ensure your success:
I. Build a Winning Team
“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.” – Helen Keller
The first step to winning a divorce is building a winning team; however, this may look differently than you picture. Building a winning team doesn’t have to mean finding an aggressive attorney to litigate your case, pitting spouses against each other. Although litigation is still a valid and sometimes the only option, building a collaborative team including your spouse and their collaborative attorney will help ensure you are both winners. Collaborative law provides the parties a winning team of professionals trained to assist you and your spouse as you move forward. This team may include a financial specialist, mental health professionals or “coaches” for you, your spouse and children, and your attorneys. Rather than the traditional method of two “defense” teams working against each other in court, we have one “offense” team working towards a common goal, streamlining the process and providing the best outcome for both parties.
II. Don’t Hide the Ball
“Success doesn’t count unless you earn it fair and square.” – Michelle Obama
Regardless of whether your case is litigated, mediated, or collaborated, winning your divorce means not hiding the ball. If your case is litigated, you will respond to discovery truthfully and completely under your attorney’s direction. Hiding evidence or failing to fully cooperate with discovery requests may result in unnecessary delays, expenses, and penalties. If your case is collaborative or is being mediated, this means being open and honest with your spouse, attorney and mediator about your finances, assets, and expectations. Both mediation and collaboration require and depend upon your honesty in fully disclosing all information. Your honesty will allow your attorney or mediator to see the full picture and accurately guide you on each issue, to ensure an equitable outcome for your family.
III. Avoid the Blame Game
“Reacting in anger or annoyance will not advance one’s ability to persuade.” – RBG
We understand that divorce is a difficult process that can trigger a range of emotions and contribute to “the perfect storm.” Although it may be tempting and maybe even justifiable to place the blame on your spouse, playing this game perpetuates a difficult dissolution case. Instead, focus on your mental health and productivity to resolve the case more quickly. If you and your spouse choose a collaborative process, your attorney, marriage/family counselors or “coaches” and a financial neutral will help guide you through the issues in an open, transparent process, lending toward a healthier, long-term resolution.
IV. Practice Open Mindedness
“Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” – George Bernard Shaw
It’s important to prioritize the issues most important to you throughout this process. However, you must also remember some of those issues may be on your spouse’s priority list too. Don’t discount an idea merely because it is your spouse’s. The attorneys and coaches help to ensure you and your spouse keep your minds open and accepting of options you may not have initially planned. You and your spouse will make fundamental decisions important for the future of your family with the guidance of your team.
V. Collaboration is Key
“Fight for the things that you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you.” – RBG
Despite what you may have heard, collaboration with your spouse is the key to winning your divorce. Although disagreements will undoubtedly arise throughout your dissolution case, the collaborative process fosters an environment that allows you and your spouse to advocate for your needs in a respectful, constructive manner. It also provides spouses the ability to work towards common goals, such as your children’s best interests or financial peace, while also providing each spouse with the resources to untie the knot by feeling heard and whole. Your McGill Law attorney or mediator at will work together with you and a team of professionals to provide a result that otherwise may have been unattainable and will last for many years to come!