Co-parenting by raising children in multiple households creates unique difficulties for families. It is important to remember to keep a healthy perspective in order to stay mentally and emotionally happy.
In order to effectively co-parent after divorce or separation, a parent must keep three things in mind:
1. You will never be able to control what happens in the other home
This is one of the hardest things for a parent to give up when co-parenting. Despite one’s best efforts, it is impossible to fully know what is occurring in the other home and therefore letting go of this notion is the first step in being able to co-parent more successfully.
2. The children will be okay
It’s hard for a parent to let go of full control and no longer be there for every dinner, bedtime, and morning routine. Children are resilient and while divorce or separation can be tough, as long as there is no abuse occurring in either home, the children will be okay.
3. You will be okay
Life changes are hard for everyone. By maintaining proper self-care, friendships, and routine, you will make it through. There are many ways to do this and what works for one person may not work for the next.
When tensions are high and a parent is in the middle of a co-parenting conflict, it may be beneficial to explore options to alleviate that pressure. Therapy is a great place to start when looking for the tools to get through these difficult times and finding a great therapist is a great support for when dealing with a difficult co-parent. It is easy to put the blame on the other parent – “if only they would work on themselves, things would get better” – but a person can only control their own actions.
Therapy can also lead to an underlying diagnosis that results in a necessary medication prescription for anxiety or depression. Treating symptoms that can come from these diagnoses are crucial in making sure a parent is the best they can be to co-parent effectively.
Sometimes getting to a better mental state is as simple as breathing. Breathe through your nose (not your mouth), count to four or five for every inhale and exhale for one or two counts longer than your inhale. After about two minutes, you can start to feel your body calm down so you can rationally think about what’s going on.
Keeping these key pieces of advice in mind will ultimately create more peace within yourself, home and children.
If you need support or additional resources, don’t hesitate to call our offices in Omaha, Lincoln or Bellevue. We are always here to help, 402-548-5418.