October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, first recognized in 1989 when Congress passed Public Law 101-112. This month brings communities together to raise awareness, support survivors, and remember those who lost their lives to domestic violence. It is also a reminder that awareness cannot be confined to one month.
Domestic violence doesn’t pause when October ends. It continues quietly and painfully in homes, workplaces, and relationships across every community. Many who experience it don’t immediately name it as abuse because it can begin with love, feel like care, and gradually shift into control. Recognizing that truth is not weakness; it’s the beginning of understanding.
Recognizing the Signs
Abuse rarely starts loudly. It often builds in small, confusing moments that leave a person questioning their own perception. These are some patterns that can signal abuse.
Isolation
Does your partner try to keep you away from friends or family? Do they check your phone, question your whereabouts, or make you feel guilty for spending time with others? Isolation often hides behind words like “I just want you all to myself.” Real love doesn’t separate you from the people who care about you.
Emotional Abuse
This can sound like constant criticism, sarcasm, or being made to feel like everything is your fault. Sometimes it’s quieter, with gaslighting, guilt, or twisting your words until you start doubting your own memory. Over time, emotional abuse can make even the most confident person feel small.
Threats and Intimidation
Threats don’t have to be shouted to be real. They can be a look, a slammed door, or a text meant to scare you. Maybe they’ve threatened to hurt themselves, your pet, or share private information online. These actions are about control, not love.
Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse isn’t limited to physical violence. It can look like being pressured, manipulated, or coerced into something you don’t want to do. You never owe anyone access to your body. Consent must be freely given, every time.
Stalking and Monitoring
Repeated calls, constant texting, showing up where you are, or tracking your phone or social media can all be forms of stalking. It’s not about concern; it’s about control. Trust your instincts if something doesn’t feel right.
Using Children as Control
Sometimes, an abusive partner will use children to maintain control. They might threaten to take them away, bad-mouth you to them, or turn exchanges into moments of fear. These tactics cause deep harm and are never justified.
Financial Abuse
Financial abuse can trap victims in relationships that no longer feel safe. It might mean being denied access to money, having your income taken, or being prevented from working or going to school. Everyone deserves the freedom to make choices about their own life and future.
Moving Toward Safety
Every person’s experience with domestic violence is unique. Some leave quickly. Others plan carefully over time. There is no right or wrong timeline, only what feels safest for you.
If any of these signs feel familiar, know that you are not alone. None of this is your fault. Reaching out for help is an act of strength, not shame.
Resources for Victims and Survivors
Nebraska Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence | www.nebraskacoalition.org
Women’s Center for Advancement | www.wcaomaha.org
Women’s Fund of Omaha | www.omahawomensfund.org
Heartland Family Service | www.heartlandfamilyservice.org
National Domestic Violence Hotline | Text START to 88788 or call 1-800-799-7233
National Human Trafficking Hotline | Text 233733 or call 1-800-373-7888
Nebraska Child Abuse Reporting | 1-800-652-1999
Child Saving Institute | 402-553-6000
Project Harmony | 402-595-1326
You Are Not Alone
Reaching out for help takes courage. You are not weak for staying, and you are not alone if you’re still trying to find your way forward. There are people and organizations ready to help, whenever you are ready to reach out.
Frequently Asked Questions
Answers to common questions about safety, support, and awareness.
What are early signs of domestic violence?
Abuse can start quietly. Isolation from friends or family, criticism that chips away at confidence, monitoring your phone or whereabouts, threats or intimidation, pressure around sex, stalking, using children to control, or limiting access to money are common signs.
How do I know if what I am experiencing is abuse?
If you feel afraid, controlled, or constantly on edge, pay attention to that. Abuse is about power and control. You do not need a bruise for it to be real.
What should I do if I am not ready to leave?
You can still plan for safety. Identify safe contacts, choose a code word, keep copies of important documents, and learn about confidential resources. Your timeline is your own.
How can I support a friend or family member?
Listen without judgment. Believe what they share. Ask what feels safest for them. Offer practical help like childcare, a ride, or a place to store documents. Do not pressure them to leave before they are ready.
What is a basic safety plan?
Keep essentials in an easy-to-grab spot: ID, keys, medication, cash, a list of contacts. Know exits in your home and workplace. Memorize one trusted phone number. If you can, use a device the abuser cannot access.
How can I protect my privacy on my phone and online?
Change passwords, enable two-factor authentication, review app permissions, and check location sharing settings. Consider using a private or library computer to research help.
What if children are involved?
Using children to control a partner is a form of abuse. Document concerns in a safe place and connect with local advocates who can discuss safety planning and available resources.
Where can I find confidential help in Nebraska?
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788. In Nebraska, contact the Nebraska Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence, the Women’s Center for Advancement in Omaha, Heartland Family Service, Child Saving Institute, or Project Harmony.
What should I do in an emergency?
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911. Trust your instincts and get to a safe place if you can.
Can I talk to a lawyer confidentially about options?
Yes. A private consultation can help you understand legal options, safety planning, and referrals to community support. Reach out when you are ready.
If you or someone you know needs help, confidential guidance and resources are available anytime.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Theresa Loughran is a Partner, Mediator and Collaborative Divorce Attorney, serving clients in Nebraska and Iowa. Her practices focuses on mediation, divorce and collaborative family law. Theresa helps clients navigate complex family transitions with compassion and insight, focusing on solutions that protect families, reduce conflict, and promote respectful resolution at every stage.